Holiday Travel Hijinks

I've got my first guest blogger! My funniest friend, Meredith West (from this post), shared a funny story about recent holiday travel. I know some of you can relate. Thanks Meredith!


Thursday I left work at noon and went to lunch with my cousins Marta and Rachel. We ate at Chik Fil A and gossiped about our families. Then Rachel graciously drove me to the airport. Earlier in the week when I asked her if she would be able to take me on Thursday, her response was "oh good, that will give me something to do this week." I am so honored to give her life such purpose.

So once at the airport, I had an hour until my flight, so I decided to "mall walk" the airport because my office is in a nationwide divisional contest called "Walktober" to see which division can walk the most minutes. I squeezed in 45 minutes of walking, in hopes for bringing home the gold to Austin. (and by gold, I mean pizza party. What better way to motivate exercising than with one of the highest calorie foods?)

While walking the airport, who did I see but a co-worker, Barbara. Now I don't want to brag, but Barbara is just not as dedicated as me. I made sure to let her know I was keeping tabs on her, and that just because she was travelling did not mean she could let our team down. People at my office probably think I am obsessed with winning this pizza.

I also ran into an old friend, Django Walker (lead singer in the Django Walker band, son to Jerry Jeff Walker...yes, I am name dropping). Django was on his way to Vegas, where he told me he was going to party "the Hangover" style. I presume this meant he was going to steal a tiger and take roofies.

With my walking accomplished for the day, I boarded the plane with my heart bursting with excitement and headed to NJ. The flight was going pretty smooth but I was sitting next to this guy who was rather unusual. Let's call him Bruce.

Bruce was very dramatic while praying over his airline cheeseburger, which I actually thought was rather hilarious though he was 100% serious. I guess when you think about it, airline food probably needs additional prayer. So the airline attendant gave him his burger and he somewhat slammed his palms down on his tray on either side of his burger and bowed his head. I was trying not to stare, but honestly in such close quarters it is hard not to.

Bruce proceeded to enjoy his burger, then get his laptop out and continued watching Band of Brothers. I had mentioned to him that I had watched it before, but he kind of just looked at me with that "nobody cares" look. So out of nowhere, Bruce starts acting extremely unusual. I think the best description of it would be some kind of orgasmicly emotional religious experience.

I was sitting there thinking to myself, "man, Bruce is reallly moved by this movie. He must know someone who died in World War 2 or something". Bruce was looking up into the air, clenching his fists, turning his head from side to side, slamming his fists down on the tray and profusely sweating.

I was trying to let him do what he needed to do, but unfortunately I could not stop staring at him. I got a glimpse of his eyes and realized that he was having some sort of medical issue and was not just deeply moved by the most recent episode of Band of Brothers. So after calling a flight attendant and getting Bruce on oxygen, I am sitting there holding his oxygen tank, his laptop, his ginormous headphones, his leather coat, and his Miller Light. It was later determined that Bruce was hyper glycemic and he kept saying "that cheeseburger must have had a lot of sugar in it." It was all I could do to not say to him, "I am pretty sure the Hershey bar you just ate has more sugar than that cheeseburger did".

But who am I to judge?