Sunday, March 7, 2010

Bizarro World

Recently I had one of those creepy experiences where you're not dreaming, but you feel like you should be. It happened during the medical situation my little fam experienced last week.

Mike was sick on Tuesday and went to the doctor. She said it was a virus, to take Advil, and he'd be fine.

Wednesday, he kept texting me at work saying he was in a LOT of pain. His chest and throat were really bothering him.

I recently gave birth to an 8 pound 11 ounce baby with no pain meds, so I really wasn't too sympathetic.

But when I got home to check on him, he was half dead.

So we went to the after-hours clinic. And weird things kept happening.

Weird thing #1:

The doctor was Jon Gosselin's doppelganger. He seriously looked JUST like him. He was wearing a ring though. And he didn't have on an Ed Hardy shirt or Converse. And no sorority girls with him. So it wasn't him.

Weird thing #2

After Jon Gosselin diagnosed Mike with pneumonia, I went to a 24 hour pharmacy. This is where I encountered a pharmacist with a most regal birthmark. It was on his neck, a perfect brown oval, and it could have had a pony tail of it's own. I'll stop there. No graphic. You're welcome.

Weird thing #3

I spotted this new product. It is clearly intended to be yet another vice for the OCD community. I can't wait to start seeing people waving a glowing wand over the handlebar of their grocery cart. I might get the full size one and wave it over each of my students as they come in my classroom in the morning.

It reminds me of Dwight's gaydar.

Weird thing #4

Yes, it's a rectal thermometer with a fever alarm. An actual alarm that goes off, like a fire alarm.

I can just see a young adult 20 years from now, flying to therapy in their Jetsons-mobile, trying to get to the bottom of their childhood memory of an alarm going off while something is sticking out of their rear end.


  1. Ha! I love the idea of getting a wand to check the kids before they come into the classroom! The only problem is that if all the germy kids had to stay out, there would be no one to teach. Wait a minute...

  2. ...this sanitizing wand is fascinating me. I thought it was a detection thing, like they use on CSI and cop shows, but now I'm thinking it shoots out some kind of sanitizing gel to sanitize whatever you point it at? Genius. I'm thinking I need one of these things now. Maybe you should get one and do a review of it! You can use your kids as guinea pigs. :)

  3. The wand lights up and the rays kill the germs. It's like star wars.